Daily Poll/Archive/July 2007
July 31, 2007 Poll Research, Music, & Game provided by WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer Soldiers keep dying and fewer keep joining. How is President Bush's surge supposed succeed if they have to provide funerals more than once a month? Outsource it to KBR. Let Hillary Clinton fund individual funerals with her campaign photo-ops. Spend more time playing Wikiality's Army Recruitment game. Use electronics to play bugles instead of relying on gay troops to blow them. July 30, 2007 Poll Research provided by WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer Today, Chief Justice John Roberts of the Supremest Court had a seizure. Doctors are trying to use their biology "theories" to help him. What they need to know is: He's a witch. He was so happy to see the Supreme Court recognized yesterday on the Daily Poll, he had a Colgasm. He's possessed and requires bibles placed near his head. He needs a Baptist revival. July 29, 2007 - post Bible study fun *Poll Talking Points, 2, 3, 4, 5 Do you wonder why Bush & Gonzales don't use the Supreme Court more? They do a heckuva job and deserve heroic recognition for their best legal rulings: Bong Hits 4 Jesus - free speech 4 students of Jesus. Only President Bush & Rummy decider what torture truly is. Atheists are not faith-based charities. Companies can partner to protect fair & balanced consumer prices. School segregation makes the Constitution happy. July 28, 2007 Poll staffers enjoying the lovely hot summer Sun. Take that Al Gore! July 27, 2007 - evening market report Poll Trading Points The stock markets had there biggest weekly losses in 5 years. This has nothing to do with: High debt levels to pay for the Global War on Terror. Destruction of wealth & property in the UK floods. The excellent progress of Operation Iraqi Freedom over the past 4 years. Halliburton moving its headquarters to the Persian Gulf. Improved factual accuracy expected when Rupert Murdoch owns Dow Jones. July 27, 2007 - morning weather report Poll Talking Points Al Gore joined the media's gay dance with reports that the UK is having huge floods and parts of Europe are having record high temperatures. Does President Bush need to: Hire him as the new EPA director? Congratulate him before Gore makes another movie? Arrest him as an enemy combatant on charges of trying to blow up God's green Earth? Tell Tony Snow to blame Gore for hating Europe as much as he hates America? July 25, 2007 Poll Talking Points Today, the liberal media danced like homosexuals because Attorney General Alberto Gonzales lied to Congress and they thought they were going to send him to prison. Should he: Have Dick Cheney tell them to fuck off. Have George W. Bush commute the sentence in advance. Have the Supreme Court rule that Congress has no power over the Attorney General. Move to Dubai and become Halliburton's corporate lawyer. July 24, 2007 *Poll Talking Points Democrats are near passing a bill that would put a much higher tax on cigarettes and use the money for health care for children. The best option is: Pray that they can't override President Bush's veto. Start wikilobbying. Have Rush Limbaugh give them radio time and a cigar. Relocate with Halliburton to Dubai where there are no taxes and lots of cigs. July 23, 2007 Poll Talking Points - includes receiptless voting - vote often! Good god, scientists are actually rewarding "artists" for making cartoons that support their "theories". This proves that: Scientists are trying to better educate the public via fun and beauty. Scientists have diverted funding from President Bush's faith-based church programs. Scientists have no interest in baby and bomb technology. Scientists have no interest in reality. Scientists are actually Hollywood sodomites. July 22, 2007 *Poll Talking Points A great American weekend. The economy boomed buying record books about some magic kid; Bush showed his bottom doesn't run either; and, most importantly, U.S. federal agents put a stop to record-sized marijuana growing in Dallas Texas: Which shows Hollywood sodomites moving to Texas have been stopped. ... the DEA is paying attention to its tip line. ... we care about our children's health. ... Bush's immigration bill needs to be passed to stop Mexicans from taking American marijuana jobs. July 21, 2007 *Poll Talking Points For the 4th time, George W. Bush, the Greatest President, allowed doctors to inspect his powerful colon today so that: Doctors could research the power of God working within George's anus. He could be put to sleep with some new sleep drugs Rush Limbaugh said were outstanding. Vice President Dick Cheney could take a practice run as President when he's elected in 2008. Citizens could see how tax-funded health insurance should work. Doctors could verify his anus was homo free for The Rapture. July 20, 2007 *Poll Talking Points In order to get past mild resistance to Fox News owner Rupert Murdoch's bid to take over Dow Jones (Wall Street Journal, etc.) for $5 billion, Murdoch should: Guarantee that he will not take executive privilege over the reporters. Offer Dow Jones owners free MySpace pages for life. Offer the reporters more time on the O'Reilly Factor. Have Bill O'Reilly yell at them. Guarantee all profits will go to The Stephen and Melinda Gates Foundation. July 19, 2007 It's the 1-week anniversary of Dick Cheney's Vice President office funding being restored thanks to patriotic American Senator Ben Nelson. Dick will celebrate by: Sending Scooter Libby $200,000. Hiring ghostwriters for military officers to accuse Hillary Clinton of supporting the terrorists by requesting the troops return home. Contributing to Fred Thompson's presidential campaign fund. Hiring someone from Blackwater USA to torture Valerie Plame. Buying more Halliburton stock options. July 18, 2007 The airplane crash at a Brazil airport proves that: The runway needed to be extended as aviation experts had recommended. Lazy union workers didn't keep the runway dry. They don't have Fox News in Brazil. Homeland Security was right to raise the terror threat to serious. Terrorists are too scared to try to attack North America. The international language of aviation is English, not Mexican. July 17, 2007 - extended poll session The Senate Democrats are holding an all night session tonight in order to: Pass a troop withdrawal bill patriotic Republicans had refused to let them vote on during normal business hours. Try to convince Stephen Colbert that they work hard. Smoke the weed Obama brought back from the NAACP convention in Detroit. Drink coffee and play with their new iPhones lobbyists bought for them. Enjoy a D.C. Madam orgy. July 16, 2007 How many people must be blown up before a suicide bomb is a bomb bomb? *more than 1 *100 or more *only if 3 or more suicide at the same time & place *any amount if it explodes in a country with christians July 15, 2007 There was no poll on this day due to technical difficulties. July 14, 2007 Why did only 1 (Tom Tancredo) of the 10 Republican Presidential candidates invited to the annual NAACP convention show up? Fox News reported that 8 Democrats had arrived and they decided not to mix with the inferior political race. It was held in Detroit and there’s a lot of poor people there. They were boycotting the convention the way the Democrats boycotted Fox. They remembered what McCain said about parts of Baghdad being like Detroit and didn't want to show up without full military cover. July 13, 2007 The troops attacked and killed Iraqi police today because: Blackwater USA trained the Iraqis so well they can't be trusted. Al Qaeda infiltrated the Iraqi police department. They're working with their buddies from Iran. They all look like Pat Tillman. July 12, 2007 There was no poll on this day due to technical difficulties. July 11, 2007 President Bush executive ordered Harriet Miers to refuse interrogation by "subpoena" from the Senate liberal gestapo because: Her photo is on Stephen Colbert's bookshelf. She may have had an affair with David Vitter. She had provided him and Alberto Gonzales with legal counsel on firing 8 liberal federal prosecutors. She's a quitter and he can't trust her. July 10, 2007 President Bush focused on his support for the Iraq war instead of fellow anti-gay Republican David Vitter because: Vitter failed to shut Mary Landrieu up during Hurricane Katrina. Vitter went to Harvard. Vitter may be a neo-nazi. He has to bend over and listen to Cheney now that Deborah Palfrey is exposed. July 9, 2007 The Greatest President laughed at the Democrats request to subpoena his aides, but out of the kindness of his good, christian heart made an offer. The Democrats will eventually accept President Bush's offer to privately interview his aides because: He's the decider. The dems have no balls. If they don't, they'll get fired too. They plan on secretly using their iPhones to record it. July 8, 2007 In 1946, Mother Frances Xavier Cabrini became America's first saint. The restored sight of a blinded child was but one of the miracles attributed to Mother Cabrini. What is the greatest miracle ever attributed to Stephen Colbert? AmeriCone Dream Ice Cream keeping America safe from bears Tek Jansen The Colbert Bump The Colbert Report truthiness wikiality July 7, 2007 The Seven Wonders of the Modern World were selected recently, and not one of them was American. Which of America's Greatest Wonders should have been included: The Statue of Liberty Mount Rushmore the Golden Gate Bridge Landover Baptist Church The Corn Palace Ronald Reagan Peace Through Strength Missile Silo Historic Site The Honorable Professor Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, D.F.A. July 6, 2007 July 6, 2007 is The Greatest President Ever's 61st birthday. When he blows out the candles on his cake, what do you think he's wishing for? An executive position at the World Bank for Scooter the broadest possible reading of "executive privilege" Operation Iran Independence A stain on the dress of Obama's intern a third term July 5, 2007, Late Evening Edition Pilots and passengers aboard at least 3 different airplanes spotted what many described as a UFO flying around the English Channel. What kinds of supernatural phenomenon have you experienced? I have seen and/or been probed on a UFO I have seen and/or been probed by ghosts I've experienced more other dimensions; I've been to a Willie Nelson concert I believe in fairies; I've seen Al Gore's Inconvenient Truth July 4, 2007 Holiday, no poll question. July 3, 2007, Emergency Beach Party Edition Colbert July 4th Beach Party Should Stephen host a July 4th beach party in his red, white, and blue thong? Only if Killer is wearing his marine camouflage thong Only if MC Rove is mixing the beach music Only if Jon Stewart has to wear a full-body flag Only if Dick Cheney is in charge of fireworks July 2, 2007, Evening Edition The Greatest President Ever has commuted the sentence of the former aide to The Greatest Vice President Ever, Scooter Libby. What message does this send? Bush believes Scooter broke the law, but shouldn't have to serve any time for it paying a fine is still a punishment no message, only that more terrorists are being detained and interrogated and we have a lot of hard work ahead if we want to win the war on terror liberals are always wrong about everything no message, nothing out of the ordinary happened today July 2, 2007 Question suggested by User:Pro-Lick A comparison between the Wikipedia pages for Jay Hein and Gordon Johndroe bear eerie similarities to their official whitehouse.gov biographies. Wikipedia copies and pastes Bush Administration bios directly from the White House website because...? The bios are public domain and free for everybody to copy & paste George W. Bush personally writes them Karl Rove helps President Bush write them The White House is the most fair & balanced NPOV source of information EVER! July 1, 2007 Now that some people have Apple's new iPhone, other people are wondering when DARPA (Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency) will come out with products they've been hiding from the public. Which DARPA invention are you most looking forward to? jet pack invisibility suit xray glasses move things with your mind machine